It's been just over a week since Gussie's death, I haven't been able to do much of anything. I quit my job as a stripper, which shouldn't come as much of a surprise. I've mostly just been focusing my attention on Kalon, I am all he has now.
It hasn't really set in yet, like the fact that he's gone. The fact that he killed himself. The fact that it was because of me. I truly ruined his life.
Kalon has been growing right before my eyes, it's hard to believe how big he is getting.
I've been trying so hard to stay strong for Kalon, but sometimes I just can't help but cry.
Oh, and the worst part is...
I'm pregnant.
Just stay calm Kaylee, think about Kalon, he needs you.
"Who's going to be a big brother?" I ask him, watching as he takes one of his fingers and points at himself. "That's right!" I praise him, hugging him tightly.
"Time for bed, Kal." I say softly, bringing him over to his crib. I place him in carefully and kiss his forehead, "Goodnight sweetie, I love you." I whisper, and tiptoe out of his room.
After putting Kalon to bed I quickly changed into my pajamas, let my hair down, and slipped into my own bed.
The next morning I woke up to the sound of Kalon crying, and quickly walked into his room.
"Goodmorning cutie!" I sang softly, picking him up gently. I was instantly greeted with a horrific smell, and rushed to change his diaper.
Just as I was giving Kalon his breakfast, there was a mysterious knocking on the front door. "I'll be back in a minute, okay?" I told Kalon, who couldn't care less as he was much more interested in his baby food.
I headed downstairs and approached the door, opening to find an elderly man, who began to shake my hand.
"Um, hello.." I greeted awkwardly, "I'm-"
"Kaylee Jenner." He interrupted, smiling at me. I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off, "You worked over at Bronco's, didn't you?" The man asked.
"Oh, I don't do that anymore-" I assured quickly, but he cut me off once more.
"Well, Denver Bronco happens to be a good friend of mine," He started, I listened intently, trying to understand what he was talking about, "And when I told him I needed a beautiful girl to star in my new music video, he was quick to refer me to you!" He said enthusiastically, waiting for a response.
I raised an eyebrow, suddenly realizing who this was. "Wait, are you Johnny Johnson?" I asked, feeling foolish for not recognizing him before. He nodded plainly, still waiting for my response. "I- I don't think I'm right for the job.." I said with a sigh, turning away slowly.
"I'll pay you enough money to move out of this crappy house." He says, and I turn back towards him.
I bite my lip nervously, that's a lot of money. "Okay.. I'm in." I agree finally, and he smiles with excitement. He hands me his card and tells me he has to go, so I wave and thank him for this opportunity, and then he left.
The next few days had gone surprisingly smoothly, which I was extremely relieved about. I mostly just rested, as pregnancy really wore me out. Usually I would just lay down on the couch and watch movies while Kalon played with his toys, he was very independent, so he didn't require much attention.
Some days I felt bad though, all he would do is sit around and talk to this special toy I got him. I made the mistake of telling him what it said on the box it came in: If you love it enough, it will become real. Needless to say he's been playing with it ever since.
Then, just as I was finally starting to relax, this happens.
I sure can't wait until I can just pay someone to do this for me.
After finally unclogging the vomit infested toilet, it was back to watching KidZ Zone with Kalon.
"Alright little man, time for bed!" I sang, picking up Kalon, who seemed to be much too tired to put up a fight.
"Goodnight, Kal." I whispered, kissing him softly and tucking him in.
Just then I felt a familiar pain approaching in my stomach, and immediately I knew it was time.
The baby's coming!
And, for some reason, this time was much more painful than the last.
Kegan...
...and Kody.
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